Of Fairies and Jack Daniels
by Bronze Warlock
Summary: Link's having a bad day, and Navi...well...
1. Default Chapter Title

(Author's Note:I love Ocarina Of Time, but there were days where I wanted to strangle that stupid fairy.I wonder if Link ever felt the same…I know it's short, but it's a beginning.)

Of Fairies and Jack Daniels

Link stomped his way home after saving Hyrule for what seemed like the dozenth time (Actually, including A_dventure of Link_ and the second quest in the first _LoZ_, it's the 5th.)He was sick of it.It was the same story every time…Zelda loses Triforce, Ganon pilfers it, and Link gets to go save her ungrateful butt one more time.

And did he ever get a Hero's welcome? Hell, no.Sneak into the castle (hardly a chore in itself, since two Deku Scrubs and Biggoron could have gotten past the Rent-A-Guards,) drop off the stupid Triforce, and not so much as a kiss on the cheek from Trixie Too-Good in there.Then Impa would sneak him out…again.

"How the hell do you lose a Triforce, anyway?"Link asked nobody in particular.It wasn't like it was a marble or something.The thing was huge, the size of a freakin' table, but Zelda always seemed to misplace it."Hero of Hyrule, my Kokiri-Hylian-whatever-the-hell-I-am butt."

_Serves the freakin' airhead right,_ Link grumbled._At least they're not calling her the Sage of Wisdom.Oh, wait, I think they are…Din Freakin' Farore._

"Hey!"Navi yelled."Lismmpphh…" Link silenced the fairy with a hand over the mouth.

"Shut up."

"MMMPPHHH!!"

"I said SHUT UP!!"The Hero of Time yelled."The last thing I need to set me off right now is you babbling at me."

Then Link screamed in pain as Navi bit him."Why, you flying freak!"

"Listen!!"

"I swear to the goddesses…if you say that one more time…"

Link then got an idea.

"Link, let me out of this bottle!!"

Link smiled evilly."Not until you promise to quit bothering me for at least a week."

The fairy, wings buzzing furiously, looked below her at the brown liquid."But…"

"No buts.No 'Hey, listen', no 'watch out', no nothing."Link shook his head."Like I can't watch out without you yelling at me."

"I have to…"

"Shush, or I'll start shaking the bottle up."

"Link…"

Link shook his head."I warned you."With that, he began to swish the poor fairy in the bottle.It wasn't that deep, barely to her chin, but the motion made sure she had to swallow some of the substance…a gift from a demented Skull Kid:a fifth of whiskey.

Link lazily swung his sword, plowing through the Tektite at Lake Hylia.The beast collapsed, and he propped his sword back on the lounge chair's back.With the sword in place, he picked up the daiquiri from its spot on the blanket, took a deep drink, and resumed his tanning.

_This is what I wanted…peace and quiet_, thought Link.He smiled as he looked around the lake area.The sky was blue, a Zora looked out of the water from time to time and waved, and Navi hadn't said a word since he'd swished the bottle.

_Well, I suppose that I'd better let her out.She's been quiet for longer than I expected.Besides, I guess I kind of over-reacted._Link sighed and reached for the bottle.

Navi groaned as the bottle came into the sun."Aaahh…too bright."

She heard a soft BAMF!, and felt a rush of air as the cap was removed from her prison.The fairy squinted at the noise.

"Quit makin' so much damn racket!"She yelled to nobody in particular."Oh, my freakin' head…" she moaned as she grabbed her skull, leaning on the bottle sides for support.

Suddenly the room started to spin, and Navi was surprised that her life wasn't appearing before her eyes.The next thing she knew, she lay in a small heap on the grass at Link's feet, in a puddle of alcohol.

_Dash it all…I left her in there too long._Link mentally kicked himself.


	2. Default Chapter Title

Usual Disclaimer, which I usually manage to forget:don't own anything but the story, for what it's worth.

From the looks of it, Part 2 is highly (yeah, right) anticipated, so here it is.

"Turn off the freakin' light!"The words sounded so small, coming from the inebriated fairy.Link stifled the urge to laugh.

"Navi, are you okay?"Link reached down and tried to help Navi stand.She shrugged him off.

"And jushh who the hell are you?"Navi looked up at the (from her perspective) giant Hylian.She snorted with contempt."Oh…you.The great big FAIRY BOY!"Navi dissolved into drunken laughter."Fairy boy, fairy boy!"She staggered closer to Link.I'm thishh liiiiiittle bitty fairy, and look at you, buster."

Link mentally cursed himself for throwing her in the whiskey bottle."Navi, I'm so sorry for throwing you in there…"

"Wha for?I feel great!"Navi hiccupped."Come on, let'sh go show that bossy fish-bitch who's the real boss."

"Fish-bitch?"

Navi looked annoyed."You know, the shtuck-up watery tart who made you carry her around.Ronco, Repo…what washh her name, anyway."

"You mean Ruto?"

Navi thought for a minute, the effort and pain clear on her face."Yeah, her, too."

Puzzled, Link watched as the fairy attempted to get off the ground.Sadly, Navi only seemed to be able to flap one wing at a time.The occasional _buzz-buzz_ was broken by Navi cussing at her wings for their lack of cooperation.

"Navi?"

_buzz-buzz_…"Dammit!"…_buzz-buzz…_

"NAVI!"Link yelled.

Navi grabbed her head."AAUUGH!Don't do that!"She grabbed one of Link's leg-hairs and yanked.Link yelped and fell to the ground.Navi drew herself up proudly, and hiccupped again."Don't messhh with this fairy, boy."She giggled."Fairy boy…that'sh funny" She fell to the ground, a drunken heap of laughter.

Link was starting to get annoyed.He reached over and picked Navi up by the wings, not being very gentle about it.Ignoring her cries of protest, he dunked her in the shallows of Lake Hylia.As she spluttered to the surface, Link held her close to his face to check on her.

She kicked his nose.

Dropping her, he grabbed his face, hearing an _ooooff!_ as she hit the ground.Fairy temporarily forgotten, Link went back to his blanket digging through his bag for something to stop the blood in his nose.Sorry about the bottle or not, he was getting angry.He turned to see if Navi was okay, and was immediately confronted by the plastered sprite.

"Go around droppin' me…now that washhh very rude, Lyle…Lemmy…wha's that name again?"

"Link."His voice strained with the effort of controlling his temper.

"Whatever.After all the things I do for you, Lemmy, you'd think you could be nisher to me."Navi started to tear up."I mean…I help you target bad guys, I show you where the cool stuff is, I give you good advice…and you schtuff me in a bottle."

Navi hiccupped again, and continued her drunken tirade."I mean, even when thoshe Hyrule whoresh are all over you, I don't shay a word about getting up to go beat ol' Gangrene."

"Ganon."

"Him, too."She poked him in the kneecap."And don't try to change the shubject."She flung herself down."I do all that, and you cram me in a bottle."Navi collapsed on her face in a fit of sobbing.

"I guess I was kind of a jerk, and I'm sorry about the bottle thing."Link touched Navi's back, as she sprawled out on his blanket."I had a bad day, and I took it out on you.Can you forgive me?"

He inched closer to listen for a response.

He was greeted by snores.

Navi awoke to the early rays of the sun coming up.Link was dressed in his usual outfit of Kokiri green, and making a small breakfast.

"Umm…Link?"

Link turned to look at the fairy, confusion on her face."Yes, Navi?"

"Where are we?"

"Lake Hylia.I took a brief vacation."He handed her a small tablet."Take that, you'll need it."

She sat up, and was greeted by a sledgehammer in her skull.She cradled her head in her hands."Oh, Farore.This is what it feels like to die."She opened her eyes."What happened, and what's the tablet for?"

"Well, I stuffed you in a bottle…"

Navi's eyes narrowed."Yes, I remember that.There was something else in there, and it wasn't a potion."She shuddered at the memory."What else has happened?"Then she noticed it."What's the bandage on your nose for?"

"Well, the tablet is for the headache you've probably got.The bandage…" he thought for a minute, "was just me being clumsy."

Navi flew over to him."Look, I don't remember what I did, but if it was anything bad, I'm sorry."

Link looked down at her."No time for that now.Zelda is calling us.Time to bail out Hyrule again."

Navi nodded, and landed on Link's shoulder._I wonder what that little tramp wants now_, thought Navi._But I'll never tell Link what I think of her to his face.He likes her so much._


End file.
